AI Developer Relations
You just press the button. That’s it.
That idea for a program you’ve had rattling around in your head? The one you just haven’t found the time to develop the specific skills you need to get it done? The one where life just keeps getting in the way? It’s great. We would all love to see it in the world. And we can make that happen. Just press the button.
Pressing the button will make two things happen. First, the machine will produce all the code, design documents, and tests you want for this application. And you know how how the previous generation of so-called “frontier models” still produced kind of mediocre code? We fixed it. The code now comes out perfectly balance between concise and readable; there are clear comments where they are meaningful, and non-superfluous. The design documents are no longer unnecessarily verbose; they will tell you exactly what you need to maintain the code long-term. The tests are meaningful, reflecting real world scenarios your code might care about, as well as common internal pitfalls programmers might make. Everyone who’s looked at the output of this thing—and lots of people are using it—tell us the results are exactly as good as having a small team of the best computer scientists in the industry working on this for six months. And it will take about as long as it takes you to make a cup of coffee. And you just have to push one button.
Oh, the other thing that happens? It’s a small thing, really, especially compared with having your beautiful idea out in the world to share with all of humanity. Honestly. A small thing. Just Mary. Mary dies.
No, wait! Really, we mean it: a small thing. She’s only 4'2". She’s 10, doing very well in school, her parents and three siblings love her very much, and her smile brightens every room she’s in. But she’s only 4'2", and honestly we think she might’ve been standing on her tippy toes.
I don’t understand the problem. Do you have any idea how many kids just like her there are? We do: we have to keep finding them to keep the button working. And you’d hardly be unique here. We have whole enterprise customers who have deployed button pushing at scale.
Okay, okay, I get it. It was the thing about the smile, wasn’t it? I probably should’ve left that detail out. So here’s what we do. You push the button, and I promise we will leave Mary alone. She’s got classmates. And there are classes just like hers all over the world. We can use one of those other kids, instead. And some of them are real pieces of work.
No, look. I’m telling you: Mary will be fine. You don’t ever have to know which kid ends up dying because you push the button. And I say “because "only because there’s a direct causal link. It’s not like anyone will know! You certainly don’t have to get your hands dirty. You’re just pushing a button. You have such a great application idea! Don’t you believe in your idea?
You don’t want any kid to die? Kids die all the time. You’re just adding one. What’s one more child?
Why does the child have to die? Look, “why” isn’t really a question we’re terribly used to answering around here. I’m just in developer relations, I don’t really understand how the button works. It has something to do with our CEO, though.
What’s that? Yeah, our CEO. He built the machine. And unfortunately he’s also crucial to keeping it operating. Like I said, I don’t entirely understand how that works, exactly, but I think it has something to do with him being a vampire.
No, not like the Dracula kind! That would be absurd. He’s not some blood drinker. He’s an energy vampire. He doesn’t feed off blood. He feeds off the life force of small children. But, no! He uses that power for good! Do you have any idea how many fabulous application ideas he’s been able to help get out into the world through this machine? People love this button. I don’t understand what the problem is. We have so many users. You don’t want to be left behind, do you?
Okay, look. We really want you on board, so we’re going to do something we don’t normally do. I’d like you to try the beta of our next version. You see, I have to admit you’re not the first person who has seemed a little uneasy with this. I mean, it’s super rare, and I don’t understand it, but it happens. So we’ve been working on a new model which makes it so that children almost never die from using this thing. I mean, not directly. What do I mean by “almost never”? Yeah, it’s still in beta, the boys in the lab are still working on it, but they have it down to less than 1 in 100 times now. Energy vampires still need to be fed, of course, but we figured out how to not make all those costs come just from one child, at least most of the time. Instead, we just significantly increase the suffering of 100,000 other children. You know, things like making hunger and disease a bit worse. And a teeny tiny amount of direct life force extraction. Most people never even feel that part. “Amortizing the externalities”, I think the bizdev guys said. And really, have you seen the world? Who would even notice.
Think about your idea. You’ve been thinking about it for months—years, maybe—right? You’ve wanted to build it so long. we believe in your idea. All you have to do is press the button. And you’re on the beta! Almost certainly nobody dies directly because of what you do. It just makes the world moderately worse, for a whole lot of people, but most of them are really far away. I mean, sure, there’s definitely still a causal link, but nobody can tie it to you specifically. It will save you, personally, dozens of hours of effort. Isn’t that worth it? The output is as good as you could want. So much better than what the best models were doing even a year ago. You might not ever meet anyone directly impacted by the cost, even.
Excellent, thank you. That wasn’t so bad, was it? What’s that? You felt “a tingle”? It’s probably nothing. I’m sure it’s the same thing assembly programmers felt moving to C. That’s what the bizdev guys tell me, anyway. “Guilt”? I don’t know, maybe; I’m not familiar with that, myself. And it almost certainly wasn’t the small part of your soul we just siphoned off. Either way, you’ll feel that lesson less each time.
Now, can we talk about our subscription plans? I’m sure we can find one that’s right for you.